Running
by Corrinth
Summary: This is me trying to explain to myself why Jack does what he does at the end of Torchwood: Children of Earth. It's by no means polished, constructive reviews welcome. I've tried to cover the Jack/Ianto & Jack/Gwen in the hope of pleasing everyone!


Disclaimer : I own none of the following

Author's Note : This is me jumping on the Children of Earth bandwagon... trying to please both Jack/Ianto and Jack/Gwen shippers. Obviously contains spoilers. Like most Torchwood fans, I was gutted by the ending, I felt that it could have been written so much better and that Jack is a total coward for running away, but this is me trying to explain to myself and everyone else why he did... if you like it, so much the better, if not... deal with it :P

**Torchwood : Don't Forget/Running**

"I love you." Ianto's dying words as Jack rocked his lover in his arms.

"Don't." Jack shook his head, but even in his dying moments, Ianto had to wonder if Jack was saying, "Don't say things like that" or perhaps "Don't love me". Ianto had always known that Jack didn't love him in the way that Ianto loved him. Always known that there was some part of Jack that couldn't love him...

"Don't forget me." Ianto pleaded.

"Never could." Jack vowed, fighting the tears that fell despite himself.

"In a thousand years time... you won't remember me." Ianto declared, and was pleased to hear Jack promise that he would. Jack watched in pain and agony as his lover gave in to the pain and the darkness, fading away in his arms even as Jack begged him to stay... Losing his lover, and the threat of the 456... it was too much for Jack, who gave himself up to the darkness, curled his body around Ianto's... and died.

Jack was running again, as he had run from so many things in his life. He'd promised Ianto that he wouldn't forget, but the problem was that Jack didn't want to keep that promise. He wanted to forget, wanted to run, didn't want to remember because it all hurt so much. Not just his death, not just _Ianto_'s death (he forced himself to think the name, forced himself to bring up the image of his lover's face), but Owen's, Tosh's, Suzie's, Alex's... everyone else he had known throughout his time at Torchwood. Each one full of burning, searing memories that tore at Jack, each death that had torn away another tiny shard of Jack's failing humanity.

Which was the reason he was running again. He had lost everything he had every cared about... The Gods knew that Jack had stood for hours by Ianto's coffin, staring at that face that was no longer screwed up in pain. They had spared him that. No trace had ever been found of Tosh and Owen's bodies. He'd walked away from Ianto locking up Suzie's body as he had done himself on a previous occasion. All of them marked as "Death by Torchwood." He'd walked away from the Doctor, not just once but twice, just as he and Martha had gone their separate ways. He wondered if she even guessed that he was still alive... Lost everything he had ever cared about, except _her_... Jack could not bear the thought that he might one day be responsible for Gwen's death. Better to walk away – to run as far away from her and Cardiff and every trace of Torchwood now, than face that...

Jack had provided for her and the baby, set up monthly transfers into her bank account that would not be traced. He knew that Rhys would be furious when he found out, but it was Jack's last gift to Gwen and her unborn child, his parting gift. They knew by now that the baby would be a boy, and it had been Rhys who suggested that the child be named Ianto Jack Owen Williams. Their tribute to Torchwood Cardiff. Jack had scoffed when they suggested his name... it wasn't even his name after all, but Gwen had agreed without question. Jack had cried that night, stood on the edge of the bay, the ruins of the Hub a shadowed pit behind him. Cried because of everything he had lost and stood to lose.

She'd never asked him to stay before. Gwen was too compassionate, too understanding, to question his desire to leave. She hadn't clung to him, or begged him to stay, or even sobbed uncontrollably. If she had, Jack could never have left. He'd have taken her into his arms, held her and rocked her, soothed her; he knew that if that had happened, he would have tilted her face towards his and kissed her deeply... but instead she'd been almost cold, disappointed. Jack had run from that disappointment.

As it was, when she had shed tears, asking him to come back, for her.... it was so tempting. Jack had cried himself then, so close to giving in.

"What for?" He'd asked, a challenge despite his tears.

"For me." She'd shed a tear as she'd said the words, too fast to be unprepared. She'd told him it wasn't his fault, that he'd saved them. He choked on his own tears; he'd wanted to stay, to be with her always. To hold her in his arms, to kiss her and love her... but in the back ground was Rhys... it had always been Rhys...

"I have lived so many lives..." Lived so many lives, loved so many loves, blamed himself for so many deaths – Estelle, and Ianto... it was time to leave, before he had to face another... It was just too easy to turn tail and run away. To find another life where no-one knew the monster he had become...

"...I'm sorry Jack, but you cannot just run away... You cannot run away."

"Oh yes I can." He had declared with far more confidence that he actually felt. "Just watch me." And with that he was gone, knowing that the woman he loved would break down with the tears that he fled from. Running away from the tears and the demons that would chase him no matter where and when he went. For the man who would live forever, there was no escaping them...


End file.
